Its no secret that my husband is extremely close to finishing college (we're talking 2-3 weeks close!) and I'm extremely proud of him and the work/time he has put into attaining his degree. But with this great achievement comes the amazing waiting game. I've been doing my "wifely duties" (not those... get your mind out of the gutter) in that I've been applying for several jobs every day for him so that he can focus on the last couple weeks of school while continuing to work his current full time job.
So I apply, day in and day out. And as I apply I start to plan. OH the plans I make! I have this uncanny ability to put the cart SO far before the horse that if I were to turn that pesky cart around I wouldn't even be able to see the darned horse anymore! I would find a job that would be the perfect fit for us, find a house that was within our budget and in the right school district. Heck! I would even have my flippin' curtains picked out sometimes! And then I'd wait... and wait.... oh, and then I'd wait some more. The benefit of applying for a lot of things online is that you can check the status of most of the applications you submit. So I would check.... "Position Filled".... SON OF A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like a bad break up every time I'd see those stupid words. Without fail my dreams would be crushed like a 7 year old whose parents forgot his birthday.
All through this process I have been saying, "what ever God has for us we will take!" But really I am saying, "whatever God has for us IMMEDIATELY we will take!" I don't want to wait 6 more months, or even a year, for our lives to start. I want it to start right now. I want to be able to buy our first home. I want to decorate my kids room. I want to pick out paint colors and appliances. But what I am constantly being reminded of is that good things don't happen in my own timing, they happen in God's timing. The reason is that my own timing is flawed, but HIS is NOT!
It an extremely scary thought for me to turn my "timeline" over to God. I have this need to be in control. I'm working on it. I've given over control of a lot of areas. But, unfortunately, I am not perfect and so I am still having to work on that whole "giving over of control" thing on a daily basis. It's humorous when I think about struggling with letting God be in control though. He had the power to create me, our world, put the stars in the sky, set the earth in motion (ect, ect) so WHY do I have such difficulties trusting him with the ability to know when our lives should get under way?
It is my desire to live completely within God's will for me and stand with my hands palm up ready to accept His abundant blessings that come with living within that will. So, in light of all of this new thinking and what not I've changed my way of praying. Instead of saying, "God please bring us the right job," I say "God please bring us the right job, at the right time." I believe that the change of prayer will in turn create a change of heart in myself.
I would love to know if you any one else struggles with the "my own timing" mentality and different ways that you use combat those thoughts....